Since going fulltime at my job last year, my husband takes my daughter both her therapies after school. I handle the administrative side, I schedule all appointments and talk to the nurses, doctors, and teachers. We usually go to big appointments together, and occasionally there is a change in schedule and we have to maneuver differently. This week was one of those weeks, we had so much to do and we had to reschedule Emma’s Speech Therapy appointment and I took her.
Our appointment was a later appointment and no one was really in the office but the kids and I, and the workers in the office. Its been a few months since I have talked to Emma’s Speech Therapist face-to-face, so we had a nice long chat. She explained how Emma may be rescheduled to a new day because she’s taking a new position, and she’s only keeping a few of her clients and Emma is one that she wanted to keep (THANK YOU JESUS)! After she gave me a summary, she asked me was there anything I was concerned about with Emma, and this is where it all went downhill.
We were already talking about some things regressing with Emma around the time she had her last procedure, but she told me that was normal with kids that have frequent surgeries. I then went on to explain to her that we thought over the summer that she has become very lazy in the way she talks. I knew when the word came out of my mouth that it was a bad choice of wording. I wasn’t calling her lazy, because I know how hard Emma has worked to get to where she is now but I said it and in the inside it KILLED ME! Emma wasn’t paying attention to the conversation, but it KILLED ME, even more, to think she could’ve possibly heard me!
I mean you have a Special Needs Child and out of all the things to say you say she’s lazy…it hurts me to even type this! I hated myself for that moment and immediately started crying! And I don’t ever say I hate anything because it’s such a harsh word…but yall this took me all the way out!!! And I hated it!
The therapist gave me an explanation of what was going on with her speech, and why it seemed like she was being lazy, but really it’s not her being lazy. She explained to me with the Dynamic Systems Theory-a theory that states motor speech production is the result of coordinated actions between and among all parts. It also extends to all internal domains of the individual (Physical-Sensory, Cognitive-Linguistic, and Social-Emotional) and all the external forces from the environment. So basically that breaks down to if any of the domains are off or disordered, delayed, or damaged the speech production will be affected.
So after the explanation that was supposed to give me clarity on what’s going on, I felt more like trash! I mean how could I, I know first hand how far she’s come, and how hard she works and is working and still I call her lazy…
You may remember this event when you get older, or you may not. However, if you ever read this blog post, know that I love you and I am so sorry from the bottom of my heart! You are an amazing little girl, and I love being on this journey with you and I would never want to hurt you. And although times can be frustrating…my words were inexcusable! And again I am so sorry!